Wednesday, July 6, 2011
This last weekend (by weekend, i mean the Husband Man's days off- Sunday, monday, tuesday) I went and stayed in Monterey with my sister, just for a break from life and some sister time. I have such an amazing husband who gives me breaks like this, seriously, i am the luckiest woman ever!! But i digress...
During this luxury vacation weekend (haha, sort of anyway) we ate our way through each and every day, nothing diet of any sort, just good ol grubb. I wasn't terribly worried since we also walked our way through a long weekend as well. I swear i walked a good 15 miles this weekend. My sisters's scale is my new best friend, it kept telling me i weighed 188, wouldn't that be nice! ha! My sister has held it over me for quite some time that she lost weight "the right way" by exersizing, and that's why her end weight was less than mine. She's become a sort of cyclist over the past two years and lost a fair amount of weight, and at one point told me she was down to 175, and yes it totally bugged me that she was lower than I was, but hey i had kids so that's my excuse! So anyway, i was lovin her scale the whole weekend, cause it was telling me that lovely number all weekend long. THEN.....I come home after a fun and tiring weekend, and in the morning i weigh myself and it says 196!!!!!!! What the heck???? Now there are a few scenario's playing out here, the obvious first one is HER SCALE IS NEARLY 10 POUNDS OFF!!! My scale is a digital scale that has been nearly exact to every doctor's office scale I've ever used so i trust it pretty well, hers is an old dial scale, and those things can definitely lie to you over the years! And then there is the question, how the heck did one weekend suddenly add 5 pounds when i have been closely maintaining my exact weight for so long???? I really didn't feel like i ate that differently from what i do at home, with one minor difference....on this trip i ate less often. We really did only eat at breakfast, lunch and dinner, they were larger meals and usually 5 hours apart, whereas at home, i eat about every two hours. I eat small things (not always healthy either) every two hours, and have maintained my weight all this time. I did not realize how much of a difference that was really making!!! Now of course if you factor in the whole "muscle weighs more than fat" i could consider that some of that weight could also be muscle from all the walking (because i NEVER walk that much) that could be part of it too. I just hope over the next week i can widdle that back down, because i nearly cried when i saw that!!!
Adam was trying to make me feel better by telling me how much he's gained back over the past 3 or 4 months but it didn't work. He's been slowly gaining that weight all along, he couldn't maintain his new weight because for him exersize is essential to keeping the weight off, so it didn't help because it wasn't comparable to what i am experiencing, which is a sudden shift from what i'd been maintaining so well!
I suppose i should be glad though, it's definitely gotten me back on track, i will admit i had slid back into several old patterns of larger portions or higher calorie foods, but i was still maintaining my weight so i didn't worry about it....now it's time to get back to the dieter i know is in there and get off this last bit of weight, not only what i gained this weekend, but also the weight i never finished losing and get down to that 185 goal!!! I can do this!!!
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
I am on day one today, and can I just say I hate the first two days of this diet WITH A PASSION!!!!! The first two days you take the hormone drops and also eat as crappy as possible, it's called fat loading. Part of it is to get you out of the mode of fatttening food, make you feel like you don't want to eat it anymore and after only two fat loading meals let me tell ya, i'm feeling that right now!!! It isn't uncommon to gain up to 5 pounds in these two days and I dread that, although as I recall you lose that within one or two days of starting the eating plan which I will start on Thursday. I know that if i stick to this plan for the full 26 days I will lose at least the desired about of weight and surely more, I'm hoping for 15 pounds, the first time I did this diet I lost 25 pounds but I think 15 might be more realistic for this cycle. I'm getting tired of being sort of happy with where I am, 50 pounds lost is fabulous, truly, but it wasn't my goal, I hate quitting this close to the goal so I'm going all in, one last month of major dieting and back to normal life at my final weight, 185 or less.
I really am so happy to have made this choice, it was bothering me feeling happy with 50 pounds lost because in the end that wasn't my goal, although today I'd be happy to be back at that because at the end of today i know i'll have gained a few and that's so disconcerting!! It's all for a good cause.....
Thursday, June 2, 2011
The way I eat these days has become so 'normal' to me that I seriously can't imagine how I maintained such a heavy weight for so many years, how much could I possibly have been eating all those years to maintain that kind of weight???? I sometimes feel like I engorged myself in a day by eating 1500 calories, that's an insane amount in a day for me these days. I eat quite happilly between 1000 and 1200 calories in a day, and even at that I often feel like I'm eating all day long. My life is really about portion control these days, THAT is how come I stayed fat for so long, I had zero ability to control portions. I still might lose a few more pounds over the next year or so, but I think my body has settled at what's comfortable for me. I remember feeling comfortable in a size 10 for a long time before I got married. And I am a 'comfortable-straight-from-the-dryer' size 12, so if you factor in the belly flab of having c-sections, that puts my body pretty close to what it was all those years ago before life happened. Here are my before and after comparison photos for you to laugh at:
Before: Note my uncanny ability to hide behind my own children. Even at that, couldn't hide it all, my kids aren't big enough...
Not hiding anymore! The side shot is really to show my smaller breasts since having a breast reduction two weeks ago. I wrote a lot more about that on my family blog, feel free to check it out at: homeofthehoskins.blogspost.com
Friday, April 29, 2011
One of the kidlets FAVORITE dinners is what they call pasta with bacon...lol. pretty good description. It's carbonara. It's bacon, and noodles and a creamy parm cheese all over. It's super fatty delicious-ness! Again, this is something I haven't made in a while because I pretty much ONLY make it in family size and Adam and I don't eat that way anymore. But I decided to health-y it up a bit and see what they thought, and of course I didn't tell them there was anything different about it :)
I started by using turkey bacon instead of regular bacon. It was a little more difficult to cook without burning because it doesn't naturally make a bunch of grease to cook it in, which is why it's healthier but also why it's easy to burn. Then I also used whole grain wheat pasta. I bought a good brand that didn't look as brown as the last kind I'd bought, which Katie snubbed her nose at based on color alone. Then I pretty much made it as usual. And the kid response? Near standing ovation! They loved it as if it were the same kind I'd always made (none the wiser about the healthier choices involved.) and I was able to enjoy it with them which was so nice :)
I used to think that eating healthier was difficult so I didn't bother. But it's the little changes like not having seconds on the carb portion of the meal, or having a fruit and veggie, or two veggies for side dishes, and especially switching to whole grains...not to be confused with 'whole wheat' there is a big difference. Now that I've gotten used to it, I find it easy to shop for and enjoying the difference it makes on my waistline. I think I do spend slightly more on my groceries each month but it's a negligable amount, less than $50 difference for the whole month, for my large family, that's not bad!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
I have discovered and fallen in love with special K bars. My favorite one is the peanut butter one. It litterally tastes like a reeses peanut butter cup, but with a krispy crunch. It is divine! And the stats on it are great! They're even fortififed with 20% of your daily vitamins, so if you were to eat five of them thru out the day about 2-3 hours apart and have one healthy meal, you (supposedly) could lose weight. Well I enjoy the bars but had never really put this theory to the test. I've been plateaud and rather enjoying the food and way I've been eating and since I wasn't gaining I didn't really mind. Especially since i did crack the evil 200 mark. I've been stuck at 199 for a while...and you know what, I'm fine with that!
But yesterday I had a bar for breakfast which is pretty normal for me, and then I need a snack 2 to 3 hours later, This is usually when I opt for something a little higher in calories, which then sets the precedent for the rest of the day to be smaller portions of normal food. However at my normal snack time I opted for another bar instead. Then a few hours later we had a late lunch at red robin with the missionaries. Since I'd only had those two bars before then I felt like there was some wiggle room in my calories and ate without guilt. I ate PLENTY of french fries (i love them there!) and had a chicken sandwich that also had crispy onion straws and bbq sauce on it...mmmmm yum! And of course I indulged in some diet soda.
I was so full from this meal (which i usually try not to get that full, but it was superbly good food!) so the rest of the day I really didn't feel like eating. Which was nice. I knew I'd had enough calories for at least the day anyway. But then around 8:30 in the evening while out at a movie with a friend I got a little snacky so I whipped out another bar from my purse and had that, ahhh, satisfied without opting for popcorn! We stayed up chatting till midnight because she is moving soon and I won't have this opportunity again for a while.
So this morning I followed my usual routine, get up, go to the bathroom and then weigh myself, in just my underclothes. I do this every day, without fail. And got the shock of my life today when I saw 1...9..6!!! That is 3 pounds lost from YESTERDAY! I stepped back on several times to verify and yep, sure enough, that was right! Every time i bust thru a plateau it catches me off gaurd. But let me tell ya, losing 3 pounds in a day makes a huge difference! I felt thinner last night so i already suspected that there was a possible loss, and I was right! This morning has been great no matter what just because of that.
For anyone keeping track my new total weight loss is....drum roll please!!!
That feels so awesome! Wow, I started at 241 and am now at 196.
Of course the same normal fears crop up, of what if i gain some back, which i suppose is a possiblity although one thing I seem to be great at is plateauing. Honestly thru all of this, not once have I gained any weight, I have only pleateaud or lost. So there's hope! Crazy to hope for a plateau but I don't dare hope for another loss...but stay tuned, I'll let you know!
In other news, next week is my 10 year anniversary, I am nearly my same weight that I was the day I married the Husband Man. The week after that is my pre op appointment for the surgery which is the week after THAT, life is moving faster and faster it seems, but at least I'm healthy enough to run and keep up with it!
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
I pulled it out from the back of the closet, unzipped the garment bag and just stared at it for a minute. Remembering how it felt to put it on and feel like the most beautiful woman in the world that day. Could I really fit into this? It's one of the few things I remember very clearly feeling thin in. I pulled it off the hanger and unzipped it, Katie's ooh's and ahh's and giggles of excitement started before I'd even stepped all the way into the open back. I stepped in and slid the dress up, it slid perfectly over my hips and waist and even my arms glided gently into the non-stretchy sleeves. I stopped for a moment marveling that this felt quite comfortable not too tight at all. I started to zip the back and it slid up my back stopping near the bra. My chest has apparently grown despite the current weight loss and stopped the zipper from going all the way up. But I know that part will be taken care of next month, as my reduction is scheduled for May 17th. This is the reason I did not post a picture of myself in the dress. It doesn't zip all the way up, however it zips past the important part, my waist and hips, quite easily. I was in serious shock all day, did this really happen? Did I really get down the weight i was when I got married??? I came down the stairs to show the Husband Man, I didn't even get all the way down before his "wow" echoed across the room. He smiled at me, and I felt like the princess I did the day I married him. Katie carried my train as she came down the stairs on her bottom laughing the whole way. I loved that moment.
I am having trouble realizing how much weight I really have lost, I'm wearing a lot of the same clothes (baggy as all get out but still) and since I'm still wearing them i still feel as fat sometimes as i did when they fit properly. So I am still in shock that I am a size 12, after starting at a 20. that's 4 sizes difference. I just look in the mirror and think, I'm not that thin am I??? But when I tried on my wedding dress, I very clearly remember wearing it and feeling thin, and feeling good, it's given me a whole new feeling inside my body, a thin feeling.
When I started my weight loss my main goal was not a specific weight number as much as it was a size number, my final goal was to be a size 12, but inside I felt like a 14 might be the best I could get to and i would have been ok with that....but to suddenly realize I have acheived what I thought was an unattainable Goal....wow, that's a little mind blowing. I'm still slowly losing a pound here and there and there's a faint possibility that I could be a size 10 again and I think if that were to happen I would scream from the roof tops, I very clearly remember being a size 10 and feeling thin and happy in my skin. Although to be honest, I'm starting to feel that way right now already. The end of my life as a fat person is in sight, and the beginning of my life as a healthy person has arrived. I'm loving that.
On a side note, at the dr's office with Darla the other day, we saw her regular dr, the one I see every time i bring her in, but he hasn't seen me in about 2 months. He kept asking me who I was, which kind of annoyed me because I've met him several times and he remembered Darla (because of her squeaky breathing...you can't forget that) and he even remembered all four of my other kids, but for some reason he couldn't remember me. He kept telling me, you're not her mother and I said well no not yet I'm her foster mother but I'll be her mom soon enough, and he kept saying, no, not you, it was the other woman that always brought her in, the larger woman. LOL...He didn't recognize me because I'd lost 40 pounds!!!! that was a first, lol, seriously, that kinda made my day haha.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
A friend posted on Facebook about a diet called the "Sacred Heart Diet" it's called that because it was created by a hospital called Sacred Heart that did this diet for patients needing to rapidly lose weight. It's basically a form of the cabbage soup diet the army does, but no cabbage. You make this soup and you can eat as much of it as you want, whenever you want, and for a week you eat that all day and on each day you get one extra thing, like one day is fruits and one is extra veggies and one is MEAT and you even get a baked potato one day too. I figure if i could stick to HCG for 26 days then surely i can stick to a soup diet for 7 right?! I hope so, supposedly it's a 10-15 pounds loss over one week, heck that's what i lost my first week on hcg so why not huh? I'm enjoying trying these different things and finding what i do and don't like and what works for me. I'll give it a shot next week and see how it works. I ate soup for lunch today (not that soup, but soup still) and it was an all veggie soup and I enjoyed it so as long as I can stand it for a week, i'll make it thru.
Part of the problem I think is that I am working out and building muscle because I still feel thinner, but somehow i manage to build exactly as much muscle as i'm losing in fat because my weight has been the same every single stinking day LOL.
No matter the reason, I was trying to make myself feel thinner by picking a before and after set of of pictures to show, because everyone figures after losing 40 pounds i must look soooo different. Unforunately I'm really not seeing it much, my boobs are still so large that they take up my entire field of vision when i look down. I know my clothes fit different and that's pretty much what i'm going off of on looking different. My face doesn't look much different to me really. Other people have told me how different i look, so anyway i was trying to find a good fat picture (well all fat pictures are bad but you know...) And apparently i was really good at avoiding pictures while fat, or hiding my fat with a well placed child, or deleting any that managed to make it to my computer. So i really have no good fat pictures, and If i can tell YOU as the reader anything, it's that if you're going to go on a diet, take a before picture!! Arrg, that is so frustrating, i thought about it, but the last time years ago that i took before pictures for a diet they just bummed me out when i bombed on my dieting. I worried that taking pictures this time would be like a curse to my motivation. I don't know why, for most people it helps, but i was worried i wouldn't actually be able to do this. I showed myself didn't i?!
Still hunting for fat pics, hopefully i'll find one eventually that shows me in the middle because that's where i've lost the most!!!
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Add to this the fact that they called this week to schedule my surgery for May 17th, that gives me a month and a half, or around 6 weeks, so if i lose an average of 3 pounds a week that would make me 18 pounds lighter by then....add to that the 3-5 pounds of weight taken off during surgery...and bada bing, i'm at my goal weight.
I'm not dissing hcg or anything, i think they just assume that most people go back to their way of eating crap and so the next cycle of hcg is still a good shock to the system and makes you lose weight. I've changed my whole eating outlook, and despite waiting the prescribed 6 weeks between cycles, i'm just not feeling it this time. I'm going to see how the next few days go and see if i can get below my current weight, 203 (38 pounds lost), but i'm pretty sure i won't be finishing out this full cycle. I'm not a quitter, and i hate the idea of quitting and not completeing something, but i also have to simplify life, and the way i was eating before was much simpler.
I wish that i could just look at the scale one day and see 199, that would make everything all better, if that's all i ever got to, i'd probably still be happy...lol, just to be UNDER 200! only 4 pounds away, i'll be there soon enough and everyone will know it when i am!!
Monday, March 28, 2011
Today I got a call out of the blue from the surgeon's office. I knew my dr had sent in a referral but I didn't expect a call so quick, nor did i expect them to want to schedule my appointment for TODAY! So we crammed it into an already crazy schedule today and I saw the plastic surgeon for the first time. His name is Dr.Kim, his specialty is breast surgeries and hand surgeries, strange combination but that's ok.
When I got in the office to see him there was never a question of "if" I was going to have the surgery, since my Dr. had already referred me it was basically all about "when" i have the surgery. wow. He told me that i was just about as perfect a candidate as ever there was. I am young and in good health and my breasts are much larger than average to my proportions, the rest of my body was in proportion to itself and my BMI was spot on. It made me so proud of the work I'd done losing the weight to get here. Then I brought up the subject of losing more weight. "don't!" he told me, your perfect where you are. We don't want your weight to be fluctuating when you have the surgery, and we don't want you to lose any more weight after the surgery which could "deflate" the results. So he told me don't lose any more now and don't lose any more after?! But I'm not where I want to be with my weight, so he said I had room to lose 15 pounds, but much more than that he was not comfortable with. I'm not really sure why losing more weight before the surgery is such a problem, but either way it gave me the green light to do another cycle of hCG and finish off my weight loss. Because I was able to lose an extra 13 pounds while on maintenance (bringing total weight loss since January to 38 pounds) I feel that 20 pounds on one last phase of hCG should put me right where I want to be. Can you imagine that another 20 pounds mean I'll be a total of 58 pounds thinner?! That is a crazy thought! that's almost 60 pounds! I've been saying for years I wanted to lose 60 pounds but never really thought I might actually be able to do it, as of right now, I KNOW i will. Maybe I should lose another 2 pounds down the road just to round it out to that nice pretty 6..0... it just sounds like so much more tahn 58 LOL. Do you think anyone would call me on it if i told them right now I'd lost 40 pounds instead of 38? hmm.
Anyway the dr also told me I am quite symetrical which is rare, so it should make the outcome very nice. I'm having trouble actually picturing what I'll look like with 'normal' size breasts, but I have no trouble picture how it will feel to walk into Victoria's Secret and just buy a bra off the rack! I'm looking forward to leaving my back pain behind and the gigantic bra's of my past will either find new uses or new owners....maybe they could be a really large sling, for slinging boulders at enemies....lol, maybe my bras will win wars and solve world peace! ha! Hey it could happen!
One thing is forsure, I'll be posting (a fully clothed) before and after shot, I want the world to know why I lost all this weight. This has been a long time coming and I can't believe I'm finally making it happen! Why are you losing the weight? What are you goals?
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Then today I weighed myself as normal with just underwear on after going to the bathroom first thing in the morning. I was totally unprepared for the sight of 2 0 5
Did I see that right? Adam suggested weighing again as sometimes it gives innacurate readings, so I stepped on again, 2 0 5 again! Wow it's like that 200 mark is clearly in view, and the huge 1 9 9 is right around the corner!! To be under 200 would feel absolutely amazing, seriously, I think i'll be screaming about it for days when I get there...did you notice that, I said "When" not "IF"....because at this pace I'll be there in a few weeks. I had decided to postpone my next cycle of HCG until after my next period because that's the best time to start, and the thought that I could be starting my next cycle at about 200 instead of 216 where I finished my last cycle....wow, so excited!! This one cycle should put me right about where I want to be. I can feel my body slowly transforming into something I've wanted to see for so long, If i'd known I would be this good at loosing weight I would have done this years ago.
I am so thankful to my Husband Man who has supported me in my weight loss, I could not have done this without him!!
So by the way for anyone keeping track (because of course I am) I am now down 36 pounds, so close to 40 I can smell it!! yay!
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
The weather at first was TERRIBLE!! Windy and rainy and stormy in general. We went to church on sunday in her ward and it was so strange to be in church with no kids in tow...loved it, but missed it at the same time. The whole time at church I had a little prayer in my heart that the rain would stop, we so wanted to go on a nature walk and to get out and about for a while. Low and behold, we exited church to the glare of a strong sun and blue skies!!!
Getting to the point of why this is on my weight not blog and not my family blog....
We did many fun outdoor activities on Sunday and on Monday before I had to go home Sunday night. I knew I was getting more exersize than normal so I allowed myself to splurge a bit. My sister is a crazy one for bicycling so she can eat pretty much whatever she wants and maintain a fabulous figure...i on the otherhand, cannot. Hence why I am so picky about what I eat, to make up for a less active lifestyle at the moment. She didn't have any diet food, and as a guest I ate whatever was offered. I found it strangely easy to go back to this kind of eating and still worried over it but enjoyed it all the same. I did, however, notice my ability to stop at a reasonable point remained intact no matter what I was eating! I was so proud of this fact! When we had lasagna for dinner, i had one piece and started a second but only ate a few bites of the second before feeling satisfied and stopping. When we had a very heavilly creamy clam chowder (best ever i'd venture to say) I had no problem stopping half way thru and not finishing. I did eat a roll with my clam chowder which i felt somewhat guilty about until we later rented a surrey dual bicycle (big giant contraption with a cover over it that you peddle yourself) and we killed ourselves riding this thing for an hour....plenty of exersize to work off those carbs! LOL. In the end though I harbored a bit of guilt, the exersize, which also included several miles of hiking on another day, would have made so much more of a difference if i'd been eating more healthy the whole time....afterall I'd hoped to lose some weight on this trip, not maintain it despite heavy exersize.
I arrived home last night, and hadn't weighed myself the whole weekend, I always weigh myself in the morning so I didn't bother with it until this morning. My scale is digital and after you step on it takes a few seconds to show your weight while it's calculating. During those few seconds a million thoughts crossed my mind, "ok if i'm going to gain weight I just don't want to be over 213 (pre trip weight was 210)"...."Come on 210....come on 210" I was so afraid of seeing a higher number I wasn't expecting what I did see...209. Maybe it was only one pound but it was a huge breakthru for me! I'd be plateaued at 210 for a few weeks now and it was amazing to finally have made a difference, even if it could have been better, it still was exciting to see loss instead of gain. Truthfully I haven't gained a pound since I've been working to lose weight, I either maintain or lose, and for this I am truly grateful. My goal feels so close, I know i'll get there. yay me.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Possibly the most shocking part about making this goal is that it came the morning after going out on a date with my husband where I ate food that was not exactly "diet friendly." But I was able to stick to my mantra, "Taste everything, don't deny myself any food...just eat it sparingly." Now I did eat very carefully all day leading up to it to allow the most calories for myself at that meal. But we went out with his whole family (because we were all going to see spamalot together) and they ordered several appetizers to share. Appetizers are hard for me because we're all sitting there hungry and this food smells so good. So I allowed myself to taste anything that smelled good. But it was only a taste, i was able to enjoy each taste, knowing i would only have one or two, so i savored each one and had lots of time between each taste to consider the flavor and what else i wanted to try. Then of course with the entree their soup was clam chowder and I was not going to turn that down, and so again, i ate each bite with several minutes in between, so that by the time my food came I'd had a total of maybe 5 spoonfuls of this dilectable soup and was able to move on easily to the entree. I had a small steak and rice pilaf which honestly I've never tried before because i always found the other options of mashed potatoes or loaded baked potatoes or fries..much more interesting. And wow, i LOVED the rice! Now it was much more carb then i normally allow myself but I felt it was a relatively healthy carb and so i ate as much as i liked, but again i made sure to have several minutes between each bite and after only a small portion of rice, green beans and steak, i found myself pleasantly satisfied. so i stopped eating. by waiting between each bite i am better able to evaluate my full feeling and stop at a more reasonable point. I'm not saying all of this to brag, because i kind of sounds that way i think, but really it's just to point out that with a little self control, we don't have to be afraid of eating out, and this is a huge thing for me. I've been so concerned about not gaining the weight back that I wasn't allowing myself any kind of eating out for fear of over eating. But this has given me new confidence in the eating skills i've developed and hope to use for the rest of my life. I feel like a whole new person, a person who doesn't have to feel guilty about what i eat anymore. Even after sampling every appetizer and having a creamy soup with my meal, i was still able to lose the last bit of weight yesterday to meet this goal.
I had been doing HCG for a while but these last 6 pounds have been all on my own and that makes me so proud. Not only have i kept off what i lost but i've developed my understanding of my problem areas and been able to turn them into strengths instead of weaknesses. I can't wait to post on here at some point that i've reached my final goal, which is 185, only 25 pounds to go, which is less than i've already lost, I really feel i can do this!
Friday, March 11, 2011
I've been feeling so good about the way I'm eating lately, feeling like I don't need to indulge on foods because I'm enjoying the way my body feels so much more. Strange how feeling thin makes me want to eat even more salads and health foods...lol, you'd think it'd make me feel like i could splurge with room to spare, but it's been quite liberating to feel thin, and healthy, i don't want to lose that, or jeopordize it in anyway with some fattening treat. Someday when i've lost my weight maybe i'll treat myself, or maybe i'll end up one of those skinny people who still only eats salads, but either way, i'm going to be around and more active for years to come, and that's what this has all been about anyway.
On a side note, i did buy a pair of knee length shorts that i LOVE!!! And two shirts which have the unfortunate side effect of showing off my large my chest STILL is...can't wait to get that taken care of too....3 more pounds!!!
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
The results are??? Not a bit of difference!!! Is it crazy that I have maintained almost the EXACT same weight for 2 weeks now despite a few cheats here and there?! It's crazy to me. But the difference here from how i used to be is that I've learned that cheating should just be about not depriving myself, not about engourging myself. So if I like something, and I want a taste of it, I do, i have a few bites and enjoy each precious one and then I feel satisfied that I didn't deny myself something that I was craving or sounded good, but allowed myself to enjoy the flavor of a few bites, but then what I am filling myself with is the healthier options. I'm finding this very easy to stick to because I honestly don't feel I am denying myself anything, which is what makes dieting so hard, wanting something you aren't allowed to have. This is just my maintenance phase, and it's only another week of this before I start my second cycle on HCG, but it's really giving me the image that I've learned to control my eating in normal life circumstances, and I'm not as afraid that I'll gain the weight back, because I really have learned to appreciate food as a necessity for life, and not a source of entertainment, while still allowing myself to enjoy the foods I like in much more reasonable portions. This feels like something I'll be able to do for the long haul. Looking forward to another cycle on HCG and losing more weight, then going back to this way of eating and keeping it off for a lifetime to come.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Today is my baby boy's birthday. Catcher turned 1 and we had a party...of course. I really tried to have more healthy options because it seems like everyone we know is trying to lose weight or at the least make healthier eating choices. So we had burgers and hot dogs but we had whole grain buns as well as salmon burgers even. We had a HUGE chinese chicken salad (which was the perfect thing for todays spring glorious weather!) which was very light and tasty. There was a veggie tray and pretzels and the only chips were baked tortilla chips, the lowest fat chips you could buy practically! But then....then there were the animal crackers. haha. Who knew they would be my downfall???? Somehow I would find myself grabbing one here or one there. For a moment I felt like the old me, the me who seemed like i didn't notice or care how fat i was, the me who ate whatever i wanted, however much i wanted just because it tasted good....THAT me that i don't want to ever become again!! It scared me for a minute, i imagined myself gaining all 26 pounds back over night, (SCARY!!!) All in all i never felt grossly full (a huge part of the old me loved to eat till i was stuffed!!!) I snacked or 'grazed' here and there on things as healthy as i could, but had way more carbs than i usually allow myself. Carbs are my Kryptonite. I am so not going to let this become habit again. I had only a bite of birthday cake, and no ice cream, but probably much more salad (with it's sweet sweet chinese dressing) than I should have. and many more animal crackers than allowed as well.
I won't know until I weigh myself in the morning how detrimental it truly was to my weight loss, but I found that putting the food away promptly really helped me feel better, and less like diving into the food. LOL. I don't seem as tempted if it's put away and I can't smell it, smells make it so hard not to want to taste it. But I feel like there's hope, I'll eat better the rest of the day and try to spend some quality time with the bowflex after the kids go to bed in an effort to work it off. Crossing my fingers, I'll let you know how the weigh in goes tomorrow. (i weigh myself every morning to make sure i'm on track....current weight, 215.)
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
I didn't reach my goal, which may have been a bit lofty, but I plateaued for the last several days and I'm ready to move on to the next cycle. I'll do maintenance for three weeks before doing one more round of hCG. I'm looking forward to those first two days of my cycle of hCG even though they're three weeks away, knowning I have days like that ahead of me where i'll be ALLOWED, even REQUIRED to eat fatty food, all those things I've wanted but been so good not to even touch, like pizza and chinese food and chicken barn....oh yeah baby!
See now even though those things sound soooo good to me, my weight loss has been so much more worth the work than a few minutes of pleasure from that food. I may be looking forward to those days now, but when it comes time, it may actually be hard to finally actually eat them again. I know that quitting soda was hard and i wanted so bad just to go back to it, but after three weeks on the diet i decided to reward myself with a little diet soda (since i WON'T reward my self with food that isn't healthy anymore) and after one sip i nearly gagged, I don't like soda anymore!!!!!!!!! Did you ever think that was possible? I know I didn't. But truthfully, the weight loss has been great, but the life change has been even more amazing, how I've learned new ways to prepare healthier dishes, I've got a whole new appreciation for eating right for my health, I'm so excited to start a new cycle of life, a healthy cycle. I'm so glad I finally decided to do this. And as a show of my gratitude I'll tell you my new weight because like last time I hope not to see this number on the scale ever again....
Haven't weighed this since before I had kids. I only have 8 pounds to lose to get to my breast reduction goal, and i WILL get there. I know not everyone has come to a phase in life of deciding their health is this important, and that's ok, but we all have goals and dreams, how are you doing on yours....are you out there making it happen? Because only YOU can makes your goals and dreams happen...YOU.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
I keep trying to picture what I'll look like, and how different my clothes will fit, not just from weight loss but from...well...boob loss. LOL. I was considering what size i want to go down to, and can you believe if i take off half of each breast i'll still be a DD? Ok maybe that's too much info for a public blog but it's the dang truth. I'm so tired of lugging around two watermelons on my chest all the time, i'm ready for some oranges! haha!
It really is amazing how a few pounds can make such a difference, my body feels so different to me already and i still have much further to go. I mean even though the dr's goal for breast reduction was 220 I would still rather be down to 190 or even 185 if possible, it won't happen over night but I'm gonna get there. I view the world completely differently now. I now see food as a way to sustain my health and existence....not to passify my comfort. I almost have a hard time watching people eating food that is so obviously unhealthy for their bodies and it makes me sad to think that they are poisoning themselves, i know, because i did that for many years. Food is a gift to strengthen our bodies but when we put things in our bodies that aren't good it wears our bodies down until they can hardly move from so many pains and discomforts and weight, I look forward to one day (in the next year hopefully) looking in the mirror and knowing that i was making the healthiest body possible for me, that this body would be able to do things I never could before. I want to be able to chase my kids around the park to dance more because it feels good and not get winded....and ultimately to live for many long healthy years watching my children grow and have families of their own someday. This is an amazing time for my husband and I both, a time when we have taken our health seriously before it is too late and are making a true change in our lives and the lives of our children as well, we're choosing life, we're choosing health. Thank you to everyone who is supporting me in so many ways through all of this!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
You know i've been saying all along that i want to be "healthier" which is totally and entirely true, i do want to be healthy i don't want to wait until i've got a blocked artery to decide i need to eat better, or after a heart attack, i'm trying to make sure those things DON'T happen! But let's be honest here, as stupid as it sounds i want to be thin again. Not skinny, i hold no hopes of ever calling myself skinny again, but to feel thin would be such an amazing feeling. The sad thing is i know what i'm missing, i've been thin before and i know how great it feels, how much easier it is to buy clothes and how much better i felt in a skirt....it's the little things. I've found the part of me that is a dieting perfectionist (that's how i got it done so long ago) and i'm sticking to this diet like nobody's business! it's awesome! It's hard avoiding the food i'm feeding the kids when it smells so good and i'm feeding them healthy portions of it but when i used to eat it i always over ate and that was the main reason i got FAT, yes i'm saying the F word.
Anyway, i'm feeling great so far and if anyone else is doing the HCG diet i'd love your advice and tips on how it worked for you, i'm personally finding that making my protein and veggie into a soup fills me up so much better (and i love feeling full LOL) what works for you to keep you on track?? i know that scale every morning is a HUGE motivator!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
I've known for quite sometime that the two main obstacles to weight loss for me are
B) THE EVIL CARB!!!!!
The problem for me is so often that I use food as a comfort and it is always the carbs that do the comforting the most, then of course compiled with the fact that i eat too many of it when i do and you've got a recipe for disaster to any diet plan. I've been reading a lot about healthier diet plans and praying i could have the will power to stick to one, I had that will power once a long time ago and i haven't had it back for years.....until today.
Yesterday I danced with my kids in the kitchen with the radio up and the windows open with a cool breeze blowing in. It was a freeing feeling, it made me feel so good that at dinner (grilled chicken, white rice, and green beans) I totally felt like i could eat just the chicken and green beans and be completely satisified. I didn't think much of it, i ate the rice anyway, but only a small scoop and didn't go back for seconds because although it's not terrible for me , portion control on all things is key.
I sometimes will have a moment like that here and there, a moment of self control and good eating but then i go to bed and wake up reset to my old internal monologue of how much fattening food i can shove in my face all day to make myself feel less stressed over everything else which i have less control over. I reset back to that every morning. but this morning was different somehow, it's like i woke up reenergized and ready to eat healthy, and not only that but i did not cheat the whole day, seriously! I am not on a specific diet at the moment, but it was things like not eating the snack i made for the kids, but rather making myself something else. It was choosing at dinner not to eat the baked potato (which as far as potatoes go is just about my favorite!) or even the sweet hawaiian roll and not even batting an eye about that choice. Like somehow it was an easy choice.
Yesterday i let myself really dwell on what it could feel like to be thinner and healthy again, how amazingly great it would feel and i think that helped, helped me point my mind toward that direction. I don't know if this will last after this so i had to write about it because it was so wonderful, I haven't had a day of not craving junk food for so long i can't even remember. Today is the start of something new i hope.... the start of eating to live not eating to die.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Here they are, a few official "fat pictures" but since fat feels like such an ugly word, i'll chose to say "phat" instead. It sort of makes it sound cool....but there's nothing cool about it. I am beyond tired of being overweight and the aches and pains associated with it as well as the awful job of clothing this body with curves in all the wrong places. (and a few in the right places just wish they weren't so prominent)
These aren't the worst pictures because of course i don't really have any, i avoid them. But it does show the truth, that i can't hide, i right now am severely over weight and even by some standards 'obese'....that's a scary thought.
Strange though i can still for the most part look in a mirror and find something good about the way i look, whether it's my hair or my makeup or something, and that's good, focusing on the positive is good, but i don't want to ignore the negative or i'll never do anything about it!
I am thinking of doing a diet called the hcg diet. I have friends who've done it and all with rave reviews. It seems like something that might work for me, if you've tried it please comment and let me know what you think about it!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
When you're just starting out (as I am) it seems to me that the little differences which are hard to see in your shape and clothes can at least be a motivation to keep you going. I feel like if i were to step on the scale and see three pounds lost i would be overjoyed and feel like i could keep going....but i don't think I would notice it much in my clothes. So my question to anyone reading this is how do you feel about scales in your weight loss plan? I think I'm going to stick with the scale at least until I can see some real difference in my clothing.....how about you?
As a response to a request I'd like to post the official size of dress/pants I wear right now because some people are choosing not to use a scale as their guide. For some reason this number doesn't really bother me as much as the scale number does. I wear a size 18 in most pants and dresses. Now I could totally lie and say 16 because there is one pair of pants in my closet that do fit and is a size 16 but truthfully i think they were tagged wrong. Truth of the matters is also that even an 18 is tight which is a first for me, usually i wear something between a 16 and an 18 (too bad they don't make a 17 for women) 16 was a little too tight but 18 always fell off. Now it's strictly 18 and it's tight which is scary for me to think of gaining any more weight. We live in a house with stairs now and it's hard enough hiking up and down the stairs carrying my own body weight around but then add to that the two growing babys i have and carrying them up and down as well, often both at once....at least it's a workout right?!
I think small goals are important. My first goal is to get down to 215....why that number you ask? In order to qualify for breast reduction surgery (which i have wanted and needed for years) I have to meet a certain BMI (body mass index is a terrible way to judge health or weight but it's what the dr's office requires) and with my height I cannot weigh more than 220, so I don't want to think i'm the right weight at 220 and go in to the dr's office and have the scale tell me i'm 221 or 222, because different scales say different things....so 215 is a good first goal. Rewarding yourself with small things for shorter term goals is a good way to keep motivated i think. I'll be rewarding myself with smaller breasts and cheaper bras once i reach this first goal.....can't wait!!
It's funny how I was feeling so undermotivated because yesterday was my birthday and I had cake and ice cream and didn't feel like working out today at all......but then after writing about the goal I have it's made me really want to work on it today! So now that i've exersized my fingers on the key board i'm going to go down to the play room and put on a workout DVD for Katie and I to do together! Thanks for the motivation!!