Are you the weight you want to be? Do you have trouble finding a workout partner to depend on? Do you need someone to be accountable to? That's why this blog is here!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

is perfection ever truly perfection while in the present?

You know the pharse "Hindsight is 20/20" well I don't think that holds true to hindsight about weight loss. I am a size 12 right now, a size and weight that only a month ago I was exstatic about! I am finding though that as it becomes my 'norm' i'm beginning to feel fat's that? I remember being a size 12 all those years ago about the time I got married, and I remember looking in the mirror and LIKING what I saw. But that's my current mind remembering the past, and I rather think that perhaps the times I remembered looking in the mirror were not on an everyday basis, or when i had bedhead or frumpy clothes on, i am thinking I am most likely remembering days I wanted to look good. Like days I was dressed up for church or a date or in new clothes, or even on my wedding day, of course i'm going to look in the mirror and like what I see! Not to mention that the body I had then, despite being the same size and weight as my current one, is a far distant image of what it is today. My belly will never look 'normal' again after three c-section, of course my breasts are better I think, but smaller so that is different as well. my face is starting to show wrinkles, a badge of motherly courage. My body, no matter how hard I try, without further extreme surgery, will NEVER look like I remember it looking so many years ago. I've got to make it what I want for myself, NOW, and while I've been doing well maintaining my weight as it is, 191, it wasn't my true goal, my goal was 185, yes it's only 6 pounds away, but I hope that if i start shooting for that goal I may surpass it, and that would be icing on the fat free cake! So after much consideration on the matter, I've decided to end my diet the way it began, I'm doing another cycle of HCG, you'll notice that I didn't post this on my facebook page because I don't want all the criticism, only my followers will ever see this. But I'll be posting progress on my HCG which is a 26 day cycle.

I am on day one today, and can I just say I hate the first two days of this diet WITH A PASSION!!!!! The first two days you take the hormone drops and also eat as crappy as possible, it's called fat loading. Part of it is to get you out of the mode of fatttening food, make you feel like you don't want to eat it anymore and after only two fat loading meals let me tell ya, i'm feeling that right now!!! It isn't uncommon to gain up to 5 pounds in these two days and I dread that, although as I recall you lose that within one or two days of starting the eating plan which I will start on Thursday. I know that if i stick to this plan for the full 26 days I will lose at least the desired about of weight and surely more, I'm hoping for 15 pounds, the first time I did this diet I lost 25 pounds but I think 15 might be more realistic for this cycle. I'm getting tired of being sort of happy with where I am, 50 pounds lost is fabulous, truly, but it wasn't my goal, I hate quitting this close to the goal so I'm going all in, one last month of major dieting and back to normal life at my final weight, 185 or less.

I really am so happy to have made this choice, it was bothering me feeling happy with 50 pounds lost because in the end that wasn't my goal, although today I'd be happy to be back at that because at the end of today i know i'll have gained a few and that's so disconcerting!! It's all for a good cause.....

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Are you ever really.....done?

I started this blog when I was starting my weight loss journey. I never really thought I'd get to a point where I thought I was....done. I don't mean I'm done working to improve my overall health and look, but as far as weight loss goes, I honestly think I might be done. If I lost 10 or 15 more pounds I wouldn't complain or anything, but I'm maintaining my weight quite well where it's at, and I'm comfortably happy with how I look. I'm not stick thin, but I'm a mom, a little meat on my bones (and by a little, I mean this little pillow on my belly that won't go away since having babies) is only natural. I can't believe I'm saying it, but I've reached my goal, I'm 191, that's 50 pounds lost, 50 POUNDS!!!!!!! Sometimes it still doesn't seem real.

The way I eat these days has become so 'normal' to me that I seriously can't imagine how I maintained such a heavy weight for so many years, how much could I possibly have been eating all those years to maintain that kind of weight???? I sometimes feel like I engorged myself in a day by eating 1500 calories, that's an insane amount in a day for me these days. I eat quite happilly between 1000 and 1200 calories in a day, and even at that I often feel like I'm eating all day long. My life is really about portion control these days, THAT is how come I stayed fat for so long, I had zero ability to control portions. I still might lose a few more pounds over the next year or so, but I think my body has settled at what's comfortable for me. I remember feeling comfortable in a size 10 for a long time before I got married. And I am a 'comfortable-straight-from-the-dryer' size 12, so if you factor in the belly flab of having c-sections, that puts my body pretty close to what it was all those years ago before life happened. Here are my before and after comparison photos for you to laugh at:
Before: Note my uncanny ability to hide behind my own children. Even at that, couldn't hide it all, my kids aren't big enough...

Not hiding anymore! The side shot is really to show my smaller breasts since having a breast reduction two weeks ago. I wrote a lot more about that on my family blog, feel free to check it out at: