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Tuesday, April 19, 2011

I never thought i would wear that again.....

I had the thought as I tried on several comfortable fitting size 12 clothes, that i was sad I didn't have any of my old clothes from when i used to be this size. Then when pondering exactly when that was i realized it was right around the time i was married, i was somewhere between a 10 and a 12 when i got married. The wedding dress. That beautiful princess gown hanging in my closet, could I really fit into that again? I told Adam I was going to go try it on just to see. Katie followed me up the stairs because she wanted to see it.

I pulled it out from the back of the closet, unzipped the garment bag and just stared at it for a minute. Remembering how it felt to put it on and feel like the most beautiful woman in the world that day. Could I really fit into this? It's one of the few things I remember very clearly feeling thin in. I pulled it off the hanger and unzipped it, Katie's ooh's and ahh's and giggles of excitement started before I'd even stepped all the way into the open back. I stepped in and slid the dress up, it slid perfectly over my hips and waist and even my arms glided gently into the non-stretchy sleeves. I stopped for a moment marveling that this felt quite comfortable not too tight at all. I started to zip the back and it slid up my back stopping near the bra. My chest has apparently grown despite the current weight loss and stopped the zipper from going all the way up. But I know that part will be taken care of next month, as my reduction is scheduled for May 17th. This is the reason I did not post a picture of myself in the dress. It doesn't zip all the way up, however it zips past the important part, my waist and hips, quite easily. I was in serious shock all day, did this really happen? Did I really get down the weight i was when I got married??? I came down the stairs to show the Husband Man, I didn't even get all the way down before his "wow" echoed across the room. He smiled at me, and I felt like the princess I did the day I married him. Katie carried my train as she came down the stairs on her bottom laughing the whole way. I loved that moment.

I am having trouble realizing how much weight I really have lost, I'm wearing a lot of the same clothes (baggy as all get out but still) and since I'm still wearing them i still feel as fat sometimes as i did when they fit properly. So I am still in shock that I am a size 12, after starting at a 20. that's 4 sizes difference. I just look in the mirror and think, I'm not that thin am I??? But when I tried on my wedding dress, I very clearly remember wearing it and feeling thin, and feeling good, it's given me a whole new feeling inside my body, a thin feeling.

When I started my weight loss my main goal was not a specific weight number as much as it was a size number, my final goal was to be a size 12, but inside I felt like a 14 might be the best I could get to and i would have been ok with that....but to suddenly realize I have acheived what I thought was an unattainable, that's a little mind blowing. I'm still slowly losing a pound here and there and there's a faint possibility that I could be a size 10 again and I think if that were to happen I would scream from the roof tops, I very clearly remember being a size 10 and feeling thin and happy in my skin. Although to be honest, I'm starting to feel that way right now already. The end of my life as a fat person is in sight, and the beginning of my life as a healthy person has arrived. I'm loving that.

On a side note, at the dr's office with Darla the other day, we saw her regular dr, the one I see every time i bring her in, but he hasn't seen me in about 2 months. He kept asking me who I was, which kind of annoyed me because I've met him several times and he remembered Darla (because of her squeaky can't forget that) and he even remembered all four of my other kids, but for some reason he couldn't remember me. He kept telling me, you're not her mother and I said well no not yet I'm her foster mother but I'll be her mom soon enough, and he kept saying, no, not you, it was the other woman that always brought her in, the larger woman. LOL...He didn't recognize me because I'd lost 40 pounds!!!! that was a first, lol, seriously, that kinda made my day haha.

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